Rihanna and Chris Brown baby!

Rihanna, for goodness sake put some clothes on

Chris Brown and his 'gangstas', post descending from the ceiling, as you do!

We got to Auckland in time for the concert to end all concerts....Rihanna and Chris Brown! On entering the stadium, I won't lie, Nic and I felt old. I guess I didn't realise that the average Chris Brown fan is roughly 12, and comes complete with the obligatory market job printed T-shirt with him showing off his bling. Oh and we also felt very white. Once we were in though we put our concerns aside and the starting act was some fat dude 'spinnin some tuuuuuunes'! After a while Chris Brown was out on stage, to a sea of screams. Everytime he flexed his abs or showed the crowd his bum the screams reached frequencies only intelligible by dolphins. At least we could laugh at that cos he was really hamming it up and finding it funny himself i think. His show was really really good though, he was accompanied by a DJ that filled in all the dodgy changing-into-a-tighter-vest moments and his dancing was awesome. He even came down from the ceiling at the start, the CEILING! The best bit was a Michael Jackson tribute where we donned a red jacket and did all the classic MJ moves, and it was really a great show. Then after a half an hour gap Rihanna came out, wearing pretty much nothing but a hood. Ok, sorry she was wearing underwear, and a large hood. She sung all the classics as well as a few lame ones, and gradually she did manage to put on a few more clothes. She was pretty good because her singing is awesome, but to be honest compared to Chris Brown her show wasn't as good. They ended by singing 'Umbrella' together though which was a good finale! And then everyone went home, and it was WAY past their bedtimes.

Mt Taranaki and van trauma

The extent of the meteorite hit

Mt Taranaki

In case you thought we had had enough of mountains, we haven't. On our trip up from Wellington we pulled off from Stratford (named after Shakespeare's birth place) and headed to Mt Taranaki. It pretty much rises up out of nowhere and is really impressive and to top it off, snow capped. Beautiful! We did a couple of walks and then headed North on our mission to get to Auckland for the Rihanna concert! In the process our windscreen got hit by a stone and caused a chip about 50p in diameter. I start panicking and worrying we're not covered on the insurance, which Nic assured me we were, and so I calmed down. Then we get hit by a small meteorite and the chip is about 20cm wide, and growing. Concerned by the time the crack when from the top to the bottom of the screen, we called the rental company. Now when our rental company, Britz, were starting out, they decided not to descriminate in their initial staff selections, and employed all the idiots that they could find in the greater Auckland area. After being transferred and hung up on a few times we speak to a 'person' and they tell us instead of getting it fixed, we have to change vans. So within a day we had to say goodbye to our beloved and move all our stuff into an OLDER MODEL!!!!!!!! Sob sob. It's different. We want our old home back.

What to do when your wasting a week in Wellington

Ah Kristov, with this fine Vodka you are really spoiling us

8.2 and not a percent less!

In a week and a bit's time, we're heading back home, but spending 5 days in China on the way. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that we realised we might need to apply for a visa to be allowed in for a Chinese takeaway in Beijing. So after a lot of research and lost in translation emails we went to the Chinese Embassy to apply for our visa, stopping in error on the way to knock on some Chinese man's house who greeted us in his slippers, but in the end turned out to be the Finance Minister. All our forms we completed, my occuption was listed as 'traveller' and we hoped for the best. But we had to wait 5 days to pick it up. So we had to hang around the Wellington area for that time, stopping off in various tiny towns on the way, the highlight being seeing the Greytown WI partaking in a mid week line dancing lesson in the village hall. Masterton was a gem. We walked around the town for a while, perusing all the $2 shops and admiring the 'Calven Klain' imports direct from our next destination no doubt. This led to a lot of hanging about, and what better to do when hanging about than have a good drink. Being a the end of the trip we are short on funds and so needed a drink that was a) cheap b) strong c) in large quantity. A trip down to New World supermarket and they did not dissapoint, in amongst the 'Grannypash' and 'Passion Pop' we found 'Scrumpy'. Like our cider at home, but 8.2%. Into the trolley she goes. After we had had our fill of cider we then thought we'd head for a spirit. The Antipodeans are very good at putting drink in boxes, and we found a 'Kristov' vodka and orange 3litre mix that hit the spot. By Friday we had our visas, and aching heads.

Glaciers!

The bit you can see is about 15km long, HUGE!

Nic enjoying an icy hole!

Ultimate glacier geeks

This crevasse is about 40m deep

Studying glaciers at uni was like a slow and painful death, especially when it consists of a lisping lecturer by the name of Jane Hart going on about them in her monotone voice. Seeing glaciers up close though is so awesome! We went to 2, the Fox Glacier (birthplace of the glacier mint?!?!?!) and Franz Josef glacier. These 2 are only of 3 in the world that reach down to the sea and into the rainforest, and their speed of movement is also impressive, at up to 5 metres a day. How cool is that! Simply having a look at the glacier doesn't do it justice, as you can not grasp how huge it is, even my photos don't really show how big it is. So we decided to go on a guided glacier walk of Franz Josef, where we were fitted out with 'crampons' to walk on the ice, and taken round by our guide Rob, from err...Hull. We had an initial climb up the end of the glacier which took about 30 minutes just to get off of the front of the wall of ice. Then we had a walk around the glacier looking into 40 metre crevasses and sliding through holes in the ice, it was incredible! Even our guide was carving out our route on the ice with a pick axe, we were like proper adventurers!

Queenstown and Wanaka, SHRED THE NARN!

Lake Wanaka

Nic demonstrating falling leaf, her favourite

Yes, we know we look bad, our outfits were RENTED!

Queenstown is a massive backpacker hang out, as it is full of outdoor activities. If you want to do a bungy, throw yourself out of a plane or go on a death defying boat trip then this is the place. Nic and I, went to the cinema. Ha ha! Our excuse is that is rained pretty much constantly for 2 days and not wanting to part with $200 to nearly kill yourself we were happy to sit back and watch everyone else do it! We went along to watch the bungy, at which point Nic decided to start umming and ahhing about whether to do it. Then she wanted to do a tandem with me. Good god. The art of bungy isn't exactly hard, you just need to throw yourself off into a river, ah! So eventually we decided to save our money for better things, namely Wanaka! Wanaka was a bit like Queenstown but not as big and less touristy. Fortunately I have a friend that I used to work in la Plagne with when I did my ski season, who works the ski patrol on the mountain. So we met up with Paul who was awesome, and gave us free lift passes (legend) and up to Cardrona it was! It was a bit weird though, as we're used to lifts that start right outside your hotel, in NZ, you have to drive 40 minutes, drive a death defying climb, and then you're at the mountain, where you are greeted by a whopping 3 lifts! Ha ha! It was really good though as they had just had 30cm of fresh snow (freshy to us pros) which was good as it was 3 days until the end of the season. Once we were there we were encouraged to 'SHRED THE NARN!', a phrase that I'll be looking up in my boarder dictionary, but I presume it was a good thing. Given that Nic and I worked in different resorts in France we were both a similar standard so it was awesome boarding together, that is, except from the part where Nic fell and took us both out. What an amateur.

Milford Sound!

Mitre Peak in the background

This was a giant waterfall that sprung out of nowhere

Water gushing down the sides, HUGE!

This was about 40 metres down!

Milford sound, is a must do in NZ, and like all good things, it was miles from anywhere! We started on the journey from Te Anau (craphole where Nic got speeding ticket) and the journey was 2 hours of twists and turns and waterfalls and mountains and dodgy tunnels and Kea birds and general greatness! It was awesome though, as it had just rained the rain was just gushing down the side of the mountains next to you, forming massive waterfalls which were very impressive. We went for a few walks along the way, one to a massive chasm that we stood right over and water was thrashing down it! Then when you reach the sounds, it is just sea meets islands and mountains and waterfalls! Apparently it used to be called Milford Haven, but I presume they missed off the 'haven' when they realised it was nothing like the one in Wales, sorry Dad!

Dunedin

Cadbury world! Those things are full of 'CRUMB'!

Larnach castle

Dunedin station

Dunedin is a small studenty town, home to some of the first Scottish settlers in New Zealand, and of course, Cadbury chocolate NZ. Apparently Dunedin is gaelic for 'Edinburgh', and people even use the word 'wee' over here without needing the toilet. It was a really nice place and had a lot going on, including NZ's only castle, Larnach Castle which we had a good look around. We went a bit tourist crazy one day though and even went to the Cadbury factory, which I have to say is much better than the one in Birmingham, where we got taken round and shown how they make all the choccy goodness, including 'Buttons' and easter eggs. The highlight was at the end when they pour one tonne of melted chocolate down from the top of a huge tower right in front of your eyes, and you attempt not to get splashed, it was awesome! Then to be truly geeky we decided to go on a ghost tour at night. Loving all things Derek Acorah, I wanted the whole thing, a freak who claims to be 'getting something from the spirit world', dressed up in ghost hunting gear (whatever that is). Sure as anything we get some fruit loop sculking out from round a corner coming to meet us and show us round Dunedin and tell us the tales of the dark side! It was pretty tame at first but the scariest bit was right at the end where he takes us down to something that resembles a bomb shelter, where it is the darkest dark that I have ever seen, and the fruit then claims that his torch isn't working because of the spirit forces. Then some chap in the group called 'Amos' starts telling ghost stories. When the light goes on again all you can see is me clamped to Nic afraid to even open my eyes. I'm gonna submit my application to be Derek's next partner/'believer' on Ghosttowns.

Us 1, New Zealand 0

The scene of our triumph

It was only a matter of time until our bad luck had to stop. Still amazed at how people will freely knock on our van to tell us that we had a) parked in the wrong place b) not paid enough money to park in that place c) parked facing the wrong way d) insulted their country by even considering driving our campervan or e) all of the above, we were expecting the worst when Nic was caught speeding. These pesky Kiwi's caught her in an unmarked police car going 66 in a 50kmph zone. Fluttering her eyelids did NOTHING and PC Plod issued a $120 beast of a fine. Spurred on by our annoyance at the hefty fine we tried our hardest to find a way to get out of it. Fortunately Super Cop '08 appeared to be dyslexic. That's right, not only was Nic apparently born in '1938', according to the ticket, she was also accused of driving over 100kmph! We weren't going to lie down and pay the fee so Nic walks into the police station, queries the ticket, and within 2 minutes the Sargeant had cancelled the ticket! Gutted New Zealand! We win!

Mt Cook

There's a little church at Lake Tekapo, check the view!

I know you can't believe it, but it was a lot more turquoise than that!

The Tasman glacier and the iceburgs

A regular sight at Oamaru

We decided to take a different route and get away from the coast and in to to mountains! Not just any mountains! They highest mountains in Australasia! The route towards the area was so beautiful and has these turquoise lakes against snowy mountains for a few hours until you reach Mt Cook national park. We stopped off a few times on the way there at places like Lake Tekapo and it was really nice. By the time we got to Mt Cook it was snowing so stayed the night and tried to do some walking in the morning. Given that we are hardened walkers we took the 15 minute trail up to the Tasman glacier (it was snowing ok!). It was really impressive, and had formed a lake at the end of it, which even had iceburgs floating in it that had broken away from the glacier. After our mammoth walk we headed to a place called Oamaru which has these teeny little blue penguins that come out from the sea at night to rest until 4.30am. So we caught them all coming in from the sea and meeting up with their mates, to, ahem, mate! It was interesting and slightly odd that after this some of them ended up in the car park and nearly runover, whoops!

South Island!

Lady in red

Christchurch cathedral

Marlborough Sounds

Kaikoura

This little pup clearly didn't want to get in the water, but big Mamma had other plans

Hamner Springs thermal pools poster girl

We got the most expensive ferry in the world over to the South Island, that's Wellington to a place called Picton. The journey was really nice as we went through some areas called Marlborough sounds, which were lots of inlets and islands, oh and we had to share the boat with about 50 cows that were in transit. Lovely! When we got off the boat we joined the convoy of campervans heading south and we hit a place called Kaikoura. It was right on the coast and yet had snow capped mountains right by the water, it was a nice sight to wake up to the next day! We had a look around town and found that it has a seal colony so we spent some time harrassing them like the paparazzi as we checked out the seal pups! That day we headed to the aforementioned Hamner Springs, which is a ski resort, but out of season so lacking in snow. Other than conversing with the locals through banging on our van door, we checked out their thermal pools, which are heated by the thermal activity underground. This did redeem the town as they were pretty cool, well up to 40 degrees, and had a nice backdrop of the snowy mountains. Then we made the trip down south to Christchurch, the scene of yet another demise, and had a look around. Supposedly this is one of the most English towns in NZ, and I guess it does qualify given that it has a cathedral. Other than that it was pretty boring and we couldn't find much to do, other than a market where we tried a typical Kiwi dish, Greek Souvlaki!

Windy Wellington!

The 'Beehive' at Parliament

Wellington city, it's windy believe me

Welcome to Wellington, the captial of NZ, and probably the windiest place I have ever been. We found a lot of rainy day activities here as the weather was being very, well, like New Zealand. We went to 'Te Papa', the museum of New Zealand, which was really interesting. They even had a section on the Scottish communities that are so prolific over here and we took much joy in watching a DVD on the highland games of NZ! There were kilts a plenty! We also decided to take a look at Parliament, which was really good. The main building is shaped like a beehive, apparently a national symbol for NZ, and we were taken on a tour of the inner workings of Parliament. We even got to sit in the debate chamber and listen to some guy rant on and some shrill lady MP laugh at him, provoking a full on shouting match. It was more than we expected shall we say!

Is it me or do Kiwi's hate us?

It wasn't an unfair question to ask given some of the 'hospitality' that New Zealanders have offered us of late. Having the largest van ever made has proved difficult recently, with the worst problem so far being finding somewhere to park the beast. Firstly you need somewhere that has no time restrictions, which is hard to come by in large towns (ie the hell hole that is, Christchurch), and secondly you need adequate space to fit in, preferably with a large 'run up' (a technical term we have adopted). Try finding those in a large city. We arrived in Christchurch, ok so it wasn't quite a hell hole, and struggled to find anywhere to stop, so we found a 'Pak N Save' supermarket with a 90 minute parking time as long as you're shopping. Perfect. So we stayed there once on the first day, again on the second, and thought there would be no bother on the third, even though we didn't actually go in the shop this time, but didn't think anyone would notice. You can imagine our suprise when we are in our van about the leave the car park with ignition on, and we get a knock on the window from some guy who was 'about to make our day', apparently. There was a tow truck on the way to get rid of our precious beast. A quick call to kindly cancel said truck and I asked the idiot to just imagine we had left a minute earlier, but apparently that would result in a large fine going straight to our rental company and on to my credit card. We had no choice but to pay the man a slightly smaller tow truck cancellation fee. I hate Christchurch, and the trolley boy from Pak N Save who shopped us in, and the fact that it cost us $80 to park for an hour.

You can only imagine how annoying it was to be so careful with your money and then lose a massive chunk of it over something so trivial. Even worse though is when you turn up in a town that doesn't seem to allow campervans ANYWHERE! Every turn we took in Hamner Springs there were 'no campervan' signs, so finding somewhere to stay the night was going to be tough. We waited until the dead of night and moved to a road, pretty much the only one in town that didn't have a mass of 'I hate campervan' signs, and thought we would sleep easy given that we would move at 8am so not to bother anyone. What's the worst they are going to do? Bang on the door?

They banged on the door. They banged on the bloody door at 6.50am shouting that it was 'illegal to park in the street'. Now I'm not sure of the accuracy of the statement that the incredibly shrill lady, who was most definitely a member of the 'I hate campervans' society, proclaimed to us, but we were in no mood to have a chat. So we got up, drove off, and found yet another Kiwi that hates us.